Anywhere but Earth

Two weary travellers docked at 0π0, seeking respite at Galactic Central Point. The taller of the two was an indigo-skinned Pybite with a prominent thorax and a forked tail featuring cybernetic enhancements common for pilots. The smaller was a hirsute saffron Altewinian with mottled cheeks, shoulder spikes and a third arm clutching a dinged-up travel kit.

Approaching a corner table with a window view of the Gaur Nebula, the Pybite twitched an antenna to summon a nutrient adaptor from the floor panel to its right, while the Altewinian scratched the screen of a levitating pad, ordering a helium bubble to go.

This done, the Pybite flicked its tail, launching a hydro map onto the table. Without missing a beat, the Altewinian turned from the pad and ran their claw over a levitating droplet, spilling water over the translucent blue cylinder and thereby triggering it to unfurl into a holographic map encompassing their current position in the universe as well as all surrounding celestial bodies of interest.

“So, Ehjn,” the Altewinian said. “Where to next?”

“It sounds like you have an idea,” Ehjn the Pybite replied.

The Altewinian flexed their mandibles in excitement. They tapped a spheroid to the northeast of the map. “Well, when doing a tour of water planets, you have to visit the shell islands of Grackthes. That’s a given, isn’t it? Should only take a couple of cycles, and then we can move on to Duvurco in time for the annual surfacing festival. Well, we’ll probably arrive halfway through, but there you go.”

Ehjn’s globular face remained expressionless. The only sound made at the table was the thunk of its first waste cuboid hitting the base of the nutrient adaptor.

“What’s wrong?” the Altewinian asked, exasperation in its tone.

“Frulus,” Ehjn pronounced. “You know I need to visit Yet.”

Frulus the Altewinian straightened. Their bag almost slid out of their third arm’s grip. “Of course! The spiral ice floes! I missed them last year!”

“What about my youngest sibling’s hatching?” Ehjn asked.

Frulus hesitated. “Well, obviously that. But while you’re there, I can–”

“You’re not going to be present, too?” Ehjn flicked its tail furiously.

“Well, you know how I am about that sort of thing…”

Ehjn started its fury trilling. In less than a minute, the sound was echoing across the room. The other customers winced and trembled according to their unique physiology.

Frulus covered their ears. “Please. We’re not alone here.”

Ehjn folded its antennae. “You never make the effort for my kin.”

“It's nothing personal.” Frulus's ninth and twelfth eye twitched with the pitch shift of Ehjn's trill. “My species don't believe in co-dependent units based on heredity.”

“So the usual excuse, is it?”

“OK! OK!” Frulus threw their pack on the table. “I'm sorry. We'll go to Yet, see the hatchling, get caught up with the rest of your siblings and then see the spiral ice.”

The trilling tapered into silence. “Thank you.”

Frulus sighed their relief. “While we're in the area, why don't we swing by Sol? See if Earth has flooded yet.”

Ehjn's face bulged in disbelief. After a moment, Frulus's shoulder spikes shuddered. They burst into laughter on such a high frequency that it caused a nearby service droid to evacuate its coolant reserve. Even so, it brought Frulus their helium bubble.

“I'm joking obviously,” they said before popping the bubble with their mandibles and inhaling.

“I was going to say,” Ehjn said. “Don't you remember when we went last time? The ice caps were melting before we even landed.”

“They're melting as we speak.” Frulus gestured at the hydro map. With a sweep of its claws, they zoomed in on the planet in question. It looked a little more blue than their previous visit, and in all the wrong places, too. “Stupid creatures.”

“You mean humans?” Ehjn perked up. “Frightening beasts, I’d say.”

“How so?”

“They came from water, and yet they hate it. They melt it, pollute it, even kill each other with it.” Ehjn shuddered. “It’s so unnatural.”

Frulus tipped their head. “Don’t be frightened. Yes, they’re poisonous but only towards each other. The Star System Authority will halt them before they lash out at the universe.” Frulus leaned forward. “In fact, I heard another story about their ignorance. Apparently the Loib tried infiltrating Earth not long ago. You’d think they’d have found enough entities to mate with on Yet, but no, apparently not.”

“That’s Loib for you,” Ehjn said. “Always thinking about their next sexual conquest.”

“Yes. The Loib sent a few hundred to settle amongst the human population, tempters I think they’re called. The tempters do their thing, try to seduce the nearest human, but they receive nothing but rejection.”

“Don’t the tempters use olfactory lures?”

“Yes! And it still didn’t work! Apparently humans don’t respond strongly to smell.”

“Even their senses are weak.” Ehjn snorted. “And yet they’re so judgemental of others. Angry about what they don’t understand.” It dropped another waste cuboid then dismissed the nutrient adaptor back into its recess in the floor. “Case and point, look what they’ve done to their planet. Poisoned the atmosphere, melted the ice caps.”

“Which some of them deny!” Frulus folded all three of its arms. “The fjords used to be exquisite, but now they’re just hollow. Nature’s icy pride whittled to nothing.”

“It’s so self-destructive as well. They still can’t leave their system, so they’re essentially stranding themselves on shrinking islands.”

“And yet I only feel pity for their planet.” Frulus sighed. “Some might come to see Earth’s remaining wonders, but who would honestly make contact with humanity?”

Ehjn nodded. “They’ll never make it out this far, that much is certain.”

“Thank the bounteous universe for such a small kindness.” Frulus gestured, and the hydro map zoomed out of Earth to show all water planets in the area. “So where to after Yet?”

“Anywhere but Earth,” Ehjn replied.

Frulus’s mandibles twitched, and it traced a path between planets. “So Yet then Duvurco before the festival ends and then onto the shell islands of Grackthes. Does that sound good to you?”

Ehjn turned from the table. “Yes. Let’s go.”

“Of course, of course,” Frulus replied, waggling their claws over the hydro map. The droplet reformed, and the device closed itself. Frulus tossed the map towards Ehjn who caught it with its tail without even turning. Frulus chuckled again, causing the same service droid as before to drop its platter.

I moved in to help. The service droid might have thanked me, but I couldn’t pick this up with my universal translator. In any case, I was more interested in the Altewinian and Pybite leaving 0π0.

They weren’t wrong about Earth and humanity. The supposed dominant species of the planet had wreaked irreversible damage to their home, through their greed, xenophobia and short-sightedness. However, Ehjn’s comment that humanity will never make it out of Sol was itself short-sighted and suggested a lack of understanding that could be perceived as xenophobic in nature.

Because I made it out to 0π0. A human reached Galactic Central Point and developed a sufficient grounding in alien cultures. That does mean something.

Then again, the fact that nobody wants to interact with humanity also speaks volumes. Anywhere but Earth, indeed.